


Your Heart's a Mess

by kujoestar



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Buff Karkat, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Kissing, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Minor Dirk Strider/Karkat Vantas, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Switch Dave Strider, Switch Karkat Vantas, side dirkjohn, side gamjake
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:01:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24904990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kujoestar/pseuds/kujoestar
Summary: "It’s so fucking obvious you’re into me and that shit hurts, because I don’t think I could ever give you what you deserve, Karkat. I don’t deserve to have someone like you in my life. I’m not worthy of someone so,” Dave trails off, waving his hand in a circle as if Karkat can see him, “someone so good. Someone so wonderful and bright. I’ve put you through so much even when I knew how you felt about me. I knew you would help me and I took advantage of you knowing I couldn’t reciprocate your feelings, because I’m not gay.”Alternatively: no homo but im in love with you and that fucks me up because i was like 99.9% sure i was straight before i met you bro
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Gamzee Makara, John Egbert/Dirk Strider
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	1. Becoming Acquainted

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first multichap in a while so please be kind to me.
> 
> not beta'd we die like men.
> 
> more tags will be added as the story progresses.

The atmosphere in _Club Rogue_ is suffocating. Karkat’s clothes are sticking to him with a mixture of sweat and alcohol that was spilled on him as he attempted to leave the crowd and find his friend. When he finally makes it out, Karkat makes his way towards the tall, lanky troll smoking a blunt near the V.I.P. lounge. Gamzee nods at Karkat, passing him the blunt which is taken appreciatively. Karkat passes the blunt back to Gamzee after a few hits, blowing the smoke out before leaning in to let Gamzee know it was time to leave. The taller troll nods, leaning over to the human next to him, presumably trying to convince him to come home with them. The man smirks, nods, and laces his fingers with Gamzee’s.

“Jake! I’m coming with you!” A shorter, blonde man yells over the music.

Gamzee smirks, “You motherfuckin’ joining in on the fun?”

The blonde grimaces, “No, I’m not gay. I just wanna make sure Jake is safe when you two are done mackin’ on each other.”

Karkat watches the exchange, heart beating quickly as he recognizes the blonde, “Dave Strider?”

Shades meet Karkat’s face and his scowl softens into a neutral expression, “Karkat, hey. You don’t mind me hanging with you while Jake and your friend do their thing, right?”

His mind blanks, alcohol and weed swimming in his head. He nods, “Yeah, sure. I was gonna spend the night at Gamzee’s anyway.”

Dave nods back, “Sick.”

* * *

* * *

Jake and Gamzee suck each other’s faces in the back seat of their uber, Dave squished awkwardly as Gamzee gropes the man’s ass. The ride to Gamzee’s apartment is awkward, Karkat too crossfaded to come up with a conversation and moans making something stir in the pit of his stomach. He’d take care of himself in the guest room bathroom, he needed to drown them out for the time being. He unlocks his phone, scrolling through his social media feeds until the car stops in front of Gamzee’s building. They all pile out and thank the driver, Dave sliding him an extra tip for the trouble. Gamzee and Jake have already disappeared into the building, but Karkat lags behind and waits for Dave. The blonde follows Karkat inside, Dave being the one to break the silence.

“So… didn't know you partied," he says and Karkat turns to him, eyes half lidded and his brain trying to process the statement.

He shakes his head, "I only go to make sure Gamzee gets to and from the clubs safely. Sometimes I drink, sometimes I smoke, sometimes both."

Dave hums, nodding in understanding, "So, obviously, you and Gamzee aren't like… _together_ together, so… why do you only party when he does?"

"Damn, Strider. We've never had a proper conversation before today and now you wanna grill me about my personal life?" He offers a loose smile as they step off the elevator. When did they get _on_ the elevator?

Karkat swears there's a blush on Dave's cheeks, but he's probably just really fucked up. Dave shakes his head, “I'm just trying to make conversation, bro. Don't mean to pry."

Karkat nudges his shoulder, "I'm kidding, dude," he pauses, gathering his thoughts through the fog in his inebriated brain before speaking, "It's all a little complicated. For now, I'll leave it at Gamzee and I grew up with each other and we're really close, so I want to make sure he's safe,” he pauses once again and looks over at the man beside him, "what about you? I didn't take you for the over protective friend type."

Dave's jaw tenses and relaxes, aviators staring ahead as they walk down the hall to Gamzee's apartment, stopping at the door that's left open. He turns, "Jake and I grew up together, too. I guess you could say we're in the same boat."

Karkat nods, opening the door further to see Jake and Gamzee haven't quite made it to Gamzee's room. Karkat groans in disgust, "c'mon, we can chill in the guest room."

* * *

* * *

"Do you stay over often?" Dave asks, rolling a blunt as Karkat takes a rip from Gamzee's bong.

He clears it, blowing the smoke away from Dave before nodding, "Normally on the weekends when Gamzee feels like partying or just needs someone around. I have my own place over by the campus,” he says, placing the bong on the table next to the bed, “Gamzee comes over a lot to study during the week.”

There’s moans coming from the living room and Karkat wants to scream. Instead, he opts for hooking his phone up to the speaker he keeps in this room for occasions like these. Mostly drowned out, Karkat watches Dave’s tongue dart out to seal the blunt before averting his eyes, heat rushing south. Karkat stands, excusing himself before heading to the bathroom. He sighs, turning the cold water on and splashing his face to try and will away his faded horny thoughts, failing miserably. He's high off his ass and he's horny and Dave Strider is on the bed ready to smoke with him. Dave fucking Strider. He shakes his head, splashing more water on his face until he's sufficiently less horny, front of his shirt soaked. He sighs and removes it before heading back into the room where Dave is scrolling through his phone.

He looks up, "Bro, holy shit you're fucking ripped," Dave says almost shocked.

The troll turns to the dresser and fishes out a spare shirt, face burning as he turns to face Dave, "Thanks. I used to play baseball, but I dropped it sophmore year of college. I kept up with my workout routine, though. Helps with stress, I guess."

"We should work out together sometime, man," he says and Karkat wants to scream, "No homo, I'd kill for a body like yours. You must get mad chicks."

Karkat wants to die, his face burning at Dave's statement, "I don't really pay attention. I get more attention from men, though. So, that's pretty cool. Free drinks," he says sarcastically and Dave's eyebrows shoot up over his shades.

"Shit, dude! Sorry for assuming. That was… sorry. I don't really think before saying shit and I end up sounding like an ass," he says and Karkat fights a smile.

Karkat finally pulls his shirt on over his head, "It's chill, Dave. I don't exactly expect straight men to have the greatest gaydar or… really any gaydar at all. You don't really need one, anyway. Since, y'know," he trails off and Dave nods.

"Word. It'd be helpful, though so I don't look like an ass while trying to make friends," he says and Karkat's eyes widen.

He plays it off, sitting on the bed and facing Dave, "you wanna be friends, huh?" Dave nods as he sparks up the blunt and passes it to Karkat, the ghost of a smile on his lips, "To newfound friendship."

Karkat hits the blunt and smirks, "Newfound friendship."

* * *

* * *

Karkat wakes up with a weight on his chest, literally. Dave is passed out on his chest, glasses askew and snoring lightly. He closes his eyes, trying to recall why Dave was in Gamzee's guest room with him. Bits and pieces of the previous night play in his mind and he sighs in relief when he remembers getting even higher with Dave and passing out. He stares at the blonde for a moment before shaking his head and doing what he knows he has to.

"Yo, Dave," he whispers, shaking the man, "Wake up, man."

Dave stirs, eyes opening slowly before he looks up at Karkat, red meeting red and making Karkat's heart jump in his throat. Dave sits up quickly, "Sorry, man. Didn't mean to… cuddle up to you. Must've gotten cold or something, I wasn't laying any moves on you or anything," his laughter is nervous, hands moving as he speaks and his face much more expressive when he isn't wearing his glasses.

Karkat chuckles, "It's fine, Dave. You're good."

Dave shuts up, an awkward silence falling between them. Karkat can't take his eyes off of Dave's. The blonde runs a hand through his curls, sun hitting the side of his face and dancing across sepia skin. Karkat forces himself to look away, standing up and stretching. His head is throbbing and he's pretty sure he's still a little high because he swears he sees Dave staring at him from his peripheral, but when he looks over, Dave is getting up as well.

The troll heads to the bathroom, fishing out 2 new toothbrushes and tossing one to Dave who thanks him. Karkat ties his hair out of his face before getting ready and allowing Dave to do the same when he's finished. Karkat takes the liberty of checking to see if his friend is awake and is surprised to see the living room completely intact, Gamzee and Jake making breakfast together in the kitchen. He smiles, watching them quietly from the door for a moment before heading back into the room to wait for Dave.

When Dave enters the room again, Karkat leads him to the kitchen where Jake and Gamzee are finishing up their cooking. The four get properly acquainted, sitting at Gamzee's table and slipping into easy conversation. Karkat finds out that Jake’s cousin, John, is married to Dave’s brother, Dirk, and that they all grew up on the same street. Jake moved to America when he was a kid and lived with John until college. Jake and Dave ended up moving into an apartment together after being accepted into the same college. Jake is a business major, Dave is majoring in film score production, Gamzee and Karkat are both majoring in marine science although Gamzee is a year above him. Karkat and Dave had a few prerequisite classes together their first year and currently share a math class, Gamzee and Jake are both in the same calculus class together and had actually been talking for a while before they finally hooked up last night. This information makes Karkat squint at Gamzee who winks back at him.

After eating and getting to know each other, Karkat offers Jake and Dave a ride home and they take the offer gratefully. Gamzee decides to stay home, kissing Jake on his way out before telling him he’ll pick him up later. Dave and Karkat watch the exchange with quirked brows, before Karkat shakes his head and leads the way down to the parking garage, the three of them entering the car wordlessly. Dave sits in the passenger's seat, pulling his phone out as Karkat starts the car, "When are you free?" he asks as Karkat backs out of his parking spot.

Karkat thinks for a moment, eyes straight ahead as he drives, "I have an exam on Monday, so I'll be studying the rest of this weekend. I go to the batting cages downtown on Thursdays if you want to come with me."

Dave nods, "Yeah, that works. Haven't been to the batting cages since I was a kid."

Karkat nods, "You can come, too, Jake. Gamzee doesn't normally come with me, but it'd be cool if you could convince him to get in the cage."

Jake chuckles, "He mentioned that you two played baseball together! Said you were good enough to go pro and everything, what happened, mate?" he asks, the question making Karkat's whole body tense before he shakes his head.

"I just... lost the passion to keep playing, I guess," a lie he and Gamzee agreed to use when the subject was brought up. Something to help the conversation move on from there, because the real reason hurts too much to talk about and, honestly, they all just became acquainted. This is a topic he can talk about when they all get to know each other better. Or not at all. Karkat likes the latter option _much_ better.

Jake hums, but he seems to buy Karkat's lie, Dave is a different story. He's staring at Karkat with his head tilted to the side and he looks like he wants to push the matter, but he doesn't and, to Karkat's relief, Dave turns back to his phone. Karkat slowly lets out the breath he'd been holding, trying his best to act cool. Jake fills the car with more conversation, Karkat and Dave chiming in when need be, but otherwise staying quiet and allowing Jake to speak as they approach the apartment building.

Karkat stops in the front, unlocking the doors of his car. Dave and Jake thank Karkat for the ride, fist bumping him before exiting. Dave lingers near the car for a moment before turning, “I never got your number.”

“Oh! Yeah, right,” He lets out a breathy chuckle, taking Dave’s phone and inputting his information before handing it back.

“Sick. I’ll see you in class, bro.”

Karkat nods, “Yeah, class. Sounds good.”

With a final nod, Dave closes the car door and heads into the building and Karkat sighs, resting his head on the steering wheel before shaking his head. His phone rings and he fishes it out of his pocket, answering.

“Just wanted to make sure you had my number,” Dave says over the line and Karkat chuckles.

“Thanks, man. You’re so thoughtful,” he says sarcastically and Dave’s laugh rings out of the speaker of his phone, punching him in the chest.

“Damn straight. I’m full of thoughts, bro. You’re gonna learn that shit real fast, man. Be prepared for mad thoughts!” He says and Karkat laughs.

“As much as I like hearing your thoughts, I’d like to get back to my apartment without a ticket and in one piece, so I’m gonna hang up now. I’ll save your number when I get home, dude,” he replies, finally driving away from Dave’s apartment building.

“Oh, word. I’ll text you later then, homie. Drive safe. Don’t need my new friend getting into trouble or some wack shit like that. Peace.”

Karkat smiles and shakes his head, “Bye, Dave,” he replies and the call ends.

What the fuck just happened?


	2. Understanding You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dave doesn’t usually make friends this quickly. I think he really likes you, Karkat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo................. i know i take a long ass time to update dont look at me im mentally ill and i've been goin thru it these past few months smh. anyway.

“You got any plans for lunch?” Dave asks and Karkat shrugs.

“That was my last class for today, so I was just gonna head home and take a nap before work,” he yawns, opening the lecture room’s door for his friend.

Dave thanks him and steps out into the cool fall air, “Oh, okay. I was gonna meet my cousins at McDonald’s if you wanted to tag along and eat before your nap.”

Karkat nods as his stomach growls, "Fuck, yeah. I forgot to eat this morning."

"Bro, how do you forget to eat?" Dave asks as they head to Karkat's candy red 2009 Toyota Camry.

"I stayed up late working on a thesis and slept through my alarm. I didn't even get to go running cause I had no time."

"Dude, you run in the morning?"

Karkat raises a brow as they enter his car, "Uh… yeah… I didn't gain muscle from sitting on my ass, Dave."

Dave chuckles, "Yeah, duh. I should've figured you went for runs with legs like yours, no homo."

Karkat chews the inside of his cheek, trying extremely hard not to point out that what Dave said is in fact  _ very _ homo, before he settles on a simple laugh from his nose as he starts his car, "Thanks?" Dave nods and an awkward silence falls over them as Karkat begins the two minute drive to McDonald's.

When they arrive, two people, Karkat assumes they're Dave's cousins, wave him over. Dave puts his bag down next to the purple haired girl before turning to Karkat, "These are my cousins. Purple haired one is Rose, pink haired one is Roxy. Roxy, Rose, this is Karkat."

Karkat offers a half smile as he shakes their hands. Roxy smiles, "Nice ta meet ya, Karkat!"

"Nice to meet you," Rose says, smiling softly.

Karkat nods and smiles back, "Nice to meet you."

Dave excuses himself to order food and Karkat follows, "Roxy's non binary, by the way. So, when talking to them keep it gender neutral. Dude and bro are okay, but man is a no-go and anything feminine will get you kicked in the balls."

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience," Karkat jokes.

"Nah, not me. My bro, though? Yeah… he's gotten it," Dave chuckles, "He hasn't misgendered Rox since."

Karkat nods, tapping his order into one of the kiosks and paying. He heads back to the table, taking a seat next to Roxy who now has their heart shaped glasses propped on their head. Roxy smiles brightly at Karkat, eyes glancing over him.

"You work out, K?" They ask and Karkat flushes.

"Uh, yeah. Between school and work it's kinda hard to go to the gym, but I try to wake up early and go for a run. I played baseball, so the routine kinda stuck with me."

"That's where I remember you from! I used to go to all of the home games when I could! You were incredible, man! My friends and I used to cheer you on."

Karkat smiles, a bit embarrassed, "Thank you. I played throughout middle school up until this school year. I lost passion for the game," there's that lie again. Karkat is so used to saying it now that he's almost starting to forget the real reason why he quit.  _ Almost _ . Roxy nods in understanding as Dave comes back to the table with an empty cup for Karkat. He takes it and smiles, excusing himself to grab his drink.

* * *

Karkat and Rose trail behind Roxy and Dave who are deep into a conversation about some anime the two of them have been watching. She looks up at him, “Dave doesn’t usually make friends this quickly. I think he really likes you, Karkat.” Karkat stops in his tracks, looking down at the girl who simply smiles, “Between you and me, Dave is really bad at making friends. This is his first time in years making friends with someone outside our little circle, so… just… be kind to him. As much as he denies it, Dave gets attached easily. I can tell he enjoys being around you.”

Karkat’s face flushes bright red, “I… Yeah. I will,” he responds, heart hammering in his chest.

Rose pats his arm, “I trust you won’t hurt him. I wanted to talk to you before Roxy does. They’d probably scare you off.”

Karkat, still blushing, smiles down at Rose, “It’s nice to see family looking out for each other. If I hurt him, you and Roxy have full permission to kick my ass,” he jokes.

Rose giggles, shaking her head, “I’m holding you to that, Vantas.”

* * *

Thursday finally rolls around and Rose’s words never left Karkat’s mind  _ “Dave doesn’t usually make friends this quickly. I think he really likes you, Karkat.”  _ Karkat shakes his head and checks himself in the mirror before grabbing his baseball bag and keys. Gamzee and Jake decided not to tag along at the last minute, leaving them to hang out alone. Karkat pulls out of the parking garage and heads to Dave’s apartment to pick him up.

Karkat adjusts his helmet before stepping into the cage, eyes focusing on the pitching machine as it throws the first ball. He swings, the ball cracking against his aluminum bat. Dave watches him in awe as he hits every ball, not always getting good hits, but making contact with the ball every time. Karkat puffs out a breath, adjusting his stance, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, and following all the way through with the swing. 

Dave smirked at Karkat as he stepped out of the cage, “You’re awesome, bro! You could totally go pro!”

Karkat blushed, scratching the back of his head, “Thanks. That was a dream once.”

Dave followed Karkat to the cool down lounge and sat down with him. He watched Karkat as he went to grab them drinks. Karkat comes back with water bottles, handing one to Dave. Dave thanks him and takes a sip before speaking, “Seriously, dude… Why’d you  _ really  _ quit baseball? I feel like you’re hiding something,” He said, making Karkat tense a bit.

Karkat bit his lip, “It’s a long story and, you’re cool… I just… We haven’t really known each other a long time…” He answered honestly, “I think that’s a conversation we can save for later,” He said shyly.

Dave nodded, “For sure, bro. Yeah! Sorry for prying, dude. If I’m ever too much, let me know.”

Karkat nodded, “Yeah, same here,” He ran his hands through his hair as Dave redirected the conversation.

They talked about everything from their classes to their interests. Dave really likes taxidermy, photography, and making music while Karkat prefers to study animals that are alive, has done some modeling work, and isn’t musically inclined at all. Dave asks Karkat if he’d consider modeling for him some time and Karkat blushes and says yes, but only if Dave shows him some of his original songs. Dave agrees. Before they know it, the batting cages are ready to close and the two are walking to Karkat’s car.

Karkat throws his stuff in the back seat and climbs into the driver’s seat, “Are you hungry?” Karkat asks and Dave’s face lights up, “I know this really good pizza place downtown that my teammates and I would go to after games.”

Dave smiles, “Hell yeah, dude. I could fuck up some pizza right now.”

* * *

Somehow, Dave ends up in Karkat’s apartment, the two of them sitting on Karkat’s living room floor with a nearly empty handle of Tito’s and two empty boxes of pizza. Dave giggles drunkenly, putting his head in Karkat’s lap and looking up at him as Karkat rambles on and on about some series he’s been watching. One of Karkat’s hands finds its way into Dave’s curls and he scratches his scalp mindlessly and Dave presses into Karkat’s touch a bit. Karkat goes quiet as he finds himself staring at his own reflection in Dave’s sunglasses, heart pounding in his ears. The room is spinning, Karkat’s hands are in Dave’s hair, music is playing softly somewhere in the distance, and Karkat  _ really _ wants to kiss Dave.

Dave stares back, although Karkat can't see his eyes. He's very drunk and his severely repressed homosexuality is threatening to burst out of the metaphorical closet it's been kept in since he was thirteen. His heart is pounding so hard he swears Karkat can hear it and it terrified him. His thoughts are racing. He could kiss him right now and blame it on Mr. Tito himself and Karkat probably wouldn't hate him after. They'd be able to move on.

Karkat is subconsciously leaning in closer to Dave before Dave asks, "Is it cool if I stay the night?" and Karkat swallows hard, nodding in response before pulling away and walking with Dave to the empty room that Gamzee normally sleeps in. Dave looks at the bed and grabs Karkat’s wrist, drunkenly pulling him down onto it with him. Karkat blushes, falling onto the bed and hovering over him. His breath hitches, heart hammering in his chest as Dave lifted a hand to cup Karkat’s cheek. “I’m really fucking drunk,” He slurs.

“I know.”

“If we kissed right now I don’t think I’d remember it… but that’s… gay. My dad would kill me if he found out,” He giggles.

Karkat’s eyes widen. He’s way too drunk to think, “I won’t tell if you don’t,” He whispers.

Dave gives him an unreadable look before he grabs Karkat’s face and kisses him breathless. Karkat kisses him back with everything he has, lips moving against Dave’s hungrily as their tongues press together. Dave lets out a small whimper as Karkat trails kisses down Dave’s neck, a shiver shooting down his spine when Dave pulls his hair a bit. Karkat presses his lips to Dave’s once more before pulling away, “What happened to being straight?” He asks between pants.

Dave opens his mouth to speak before closing it and pushing Karkat off of him, running to the bathroom. Karkat stares at the ceiling for a moment as he hears Dave retching into the toilet. He’s dazed and almost a little disappointed at finding out Dave is only gay when he’s drunk. Something Dave had said something that bothered him.  _ My dad would kill me if he found out,  _ rang in his mind. Is Dave being forced into the closet by an unaccepting parent? If that’s the case then getting Dave to come out could be fairly dangerous. He sighs,  _ he probably won’t remember any of this in the morning, either _ , he thinks before standing up and going to check on Dave who  is passed out with his head in the toilet, vomit down the front of his shirt and looking absolutely trashed. He shakes his head and proceeds to take Dave’s clothes off as well as his own, drunkenly showering his friend as well as himself. He dries Dave off and then himself, dressing him in his old baseball hoodie and a pair of basketball shorts. He’s exhausted by the time he needs to dress himself and decides to just throw on a pair of gray sweatpants before flopping next to Dave and passing out as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i give yall a drunk davekat makeout as an apology for leaving yall hanging and being extremely inconsistent. thank u for being patient with me.


End file.
